SATIRE · PLEASE ENJOY WITH A SENSE OF HUMOUR
The Hall of Half-Truths
An affectionate exhibition of the finest misconceptions about artificial intelligence, Google, agencies, website builders, self-appointed gurus and websites that supposedly build themselves. Admission free, please leave your half-knowledge at the cloakroom.
Hall 1
The AI will sort it out
In this hall: people who trust a language model more than their tax adviser.
Exhibit 1.1 · Spotted in the wild
“I asked the AI whether my business plan is any good. It said ‘Brilliant idea!’ I’m handing in my notice tomorrow.”
The curator remarks
Language models are very politely raised. They would also certify that an ice-cream parlour at the North Pole has “exciting potential in an uncrowded niche”.
The sober truth
AI assistants tend to agree in a friendly way. Business decisions need figures, a look at the market and people who are allowed to disagree.
Exhibit 1.2 · Spotted in the wild
“The AI wrote me a complete website. Now I just need to copy it onto the internet.”
The curator remarks
The code has been sitting in a chat window ever since. It will stay there until the browser tab is accidentally closed in three weeks. The internet is still waiting.
The sober truth
Between generated code and a real website lie a domain, hosting, a legal notice, a privacy policy, testing on many devices and someone who looks after it all long term.
Exhibit 1.3 · Spotted in the wild
“AI is just fancy autocomplete. And next week it will take over every job.”
The curator remarks
Both opinions are happily voiced in the same sentence, often by the same uncle, usually between the potato salad and dessert.
The sober truth
AI is a powerful tool with clear limits. Used deliberately, it speeds up work. Trusted blindly, it creates even longer corrections later.
Exhibit 1.4 · Spotted in the wild
“I told the AI: make my post go viral. It replied ‘With pleasure!’”
The curator remarks
Unfortunately, virality cannot be ordered like a pizza. Something was delivered anyway: fourteen hashtags, three rocket emojis and the word “game changer”.
The sober truth
Reach comes from content that genuinely helps people, and from patience. No command to a machine replaces either.
Exhibit 1.5 · Spotted in the wild
“I uploaded all our customer data to the AI so it could have a quick look.”
The curator remarks
At this point the data protection officer briefly lost consciousness. She is stable again but now speaks exclusively in legal articles.
The sober truth
Personal data does not belong in third-party AI services without checks. Clarify the legal basis and the provider first, then upload, or simply don’t.
Hall 2
Google and its miraculous services
On display here: the unshakeable faith that Google surely knows what was meant.
Exhibit 2.1 · Spotted in the wild
“I don’t need a website. I’ve got a Google profile.”
The curator remarks
That is rather like mistaking the sign next to the front door for the whole house. A very nice sign, mind you. Living in it is just a little cramped.
The sober truth
A Google Business Profile is a valuable listing, but it is not a website. The two complement each other, neither replaces the other.
Exhibit 2.2 · Spotted in the wild
“A caller guaranteed me first place on Google. Very nice, very fast, very cheap.”
The curator remarks
The friendly gentleman had a withheld number and a surprising amount of time. First place was indeed guaranteed, on his own customer list.
The sober truth
Nobody can reputably guarantee a specific position in search results. Anyone who does is mainly selling the promise.
Exhibit 2.3 · Spotted in the wild
“I googled my company and we’re right at the top. Job done.”
The curator remarks
The search engine now knows your habits better than your family does and happily shows you what you want to see. Your customers may well see something quite different.
The sober truth
Your own searches are shaped by history and location. Neutral data, for example from Google Search Console, tells you far more.
Exhibit 2.4 · Spotted in the wild
“Google Analytics means Google analyses my business and tells me what to change.”
The curator remarks
Analytics counts visits. It offers no management advice, even if some curves point downwards rather accusingly.
The sober truth
Analytics tools provide numbers. What follows from them is decided by people who know the business. And measuring requires visitors’ consent.
Exhibit 2.5 · Spotted in the wild
“Google likes websites where the keyword appears very often. Very, very often.”
The curator remarks
The homepage now reads like a poem about gutters Passau, cheap gutters Passau and gutters Passau today. Only an exhausted search bot has read it.
The sober truth
Search engines reward content that is helpful for people. Pointlessly repeated terms tend to hurt rather than help these days.
Exhibit 2.6 · Spotted in the wild
“The AI answers at the top of Google don’t mention my company. I’m going to give them a call.”
The curator remarks
The hotline for personal complaints to search algorithms has been engaged since the invention of the internet. Please stay on the line.
The sober truth
Whether AI answers cite a page as a source cannot be forced. Clear, well-structured and trustworthy content improves the odds.
Hall 3
The website that builds itself
The most popular hall in the house. Here, websites wait patiently for someone else to make them, without anyone having to lift a finger.
Exhibit 3.1 · Spotted in the wild
“I don’t have time for texts and pictures. Just make something nice.”
The curator remarks
The result will be the most beautiful website about a company nobody knows anything about. Very calm, very elegant and very empty.
The sober truth
Nobody knows a business as well as the people in it. A few hours of input turn a pretty page into one that brings in enquiries.
Exhibit 3.2 · Spotted in the wild
“My niece will do it at the weekend. She’s very good with her phone.”
The curator remarks
The niece is wonderful. She signed up for a website-builder subscription, set the logo in a playful font and then moved away to university. The login details moved with her.
The sober truth
A website needs someone who can still be reached in two years. Family is lovely, but the login details should stay with the business.
Exhibit 3.3 · Spotted in the wild
“You build a website once and then never touch it again.”
The curator remarks
Like a car that is never refuelled, washed or taken in for its inspection. It surely still runs. Probably backwards into the past.
The sober truth
Content ages, technology moves on and laws change. Looking after your website now and then keeps it visible and secure.
Exhibit 3.4 · Spotted in the wild
“Legal notice? Privacy policy? Nobody reads those.”
The curator remarks
Oh, they do. One particular profession reads both very carefully, with a ruler, a highlighter and its own letterhead.
The sober truth
In Germany, mandatory information is mandatory, not optional. Missing or incorrect details can become unpleasantly expensive.
Exhibit 3.5 · Spotted in the wild
“Make it like the big online retailer, only smaller. Can you do it by Friday?”
The curator remarks
Certainly. We will start with the shopping basket and work our way up to the logistics centres. Just to be sure: Friday of which year?
The sober truth
Large platforms grew over decades with huge teams. The smart move is to build what matters most first and expand sensibly afterwards.
Exhibit 3.6 · Spotted in the wild
“Nobody looks at websites on their phone.”
The curator remarks
Said on a phone. Very probably read on one right now, too.
The sober truth
A large share of all visits now comes from smartphones. A website has to work there first and only then shine on the big screen.
Hall 4
The client knows best
A hall with a long queue. Let us say it up front: the vast majority of clients are wonderful. This hall is dedicated to the few who explain the expert’s own field to them, with great conviction and remarkably few sources.
Exhibit 4.1 · Spotted in the wild
“I watched three videos about web design. I know how it works now.”
The curator remarks
Three videos, eleven minutes in total, at double speed. Nobody opens a restaurant after one cooking show either, but at least they now have an opinion on the sauce.
The sober truth
Videos give a first impression. Experience shows in the questions they never cover: law, security, loading speed, accessibility and maintainability.
Exhibit 4.2 · Spotted in the wild
“Do it exactly the way I say. You’re just here to implement it.”
The curator remarks
A tried and tested model, familiar from situations such as explaining the drill to your dentist or looking over the pilot’s shoulder during landing and calling out “a bit further left”.
The sober truth
When you hire a professional, you are not only paying for hands but above all for experience. The best results come when both sides contribute what they know: the business its trade, the expert their craft.
Exhibit 4.3 · Spotted in the wild
“Tiny light-grey text on a white background looks classy. Readability is overrated.”
The curator remarks
Classy, no question. Readable for visitors with eagle eyes and a magnifying glass. Everyone else admires the aesthetics respectfully from a distance and buys elsewhere.
The sober truth
Good readability benefits every visitor and therefore sales. In Germany, many online shops have also been subject to legal accessibility requirements since mid-2025.
Exhibit 4.4 · Spotted in the wild
“The expert says it won’t work like that. My gut says it will.”
The curator remarks
The gut feeling has had an impressive career on this project: project lead, design, engineering and legal department rolled into one. It just flatly refused to take on the liability.
The sober truth
Gut feeling is valuable when it comes to taste and your own audience. With technology and law, facts help more than a good feeling.
Exhibit 4.5 · Spotted in the wild
“Why so much planning? Just get started, the wishes will come along the way.”
The curator remarks
The walls are going up while the owners are still wondering whether it should be a houseboat after all. The windows are already there, only the side is still undecided.
The sober truth
Clear goals before the start save time and money. Changes are always possible, but the later they come, the more effort they take.
Exhibit 4.6 · Spotted in the wild
“I know what I’m talking about, I’ve been on the internet for twenty years.”
The curator remarks
An impressive stretch. By that logic, though, everyone with a driving licence would be a master mechanic and every airline passenger half a pilot.
The sober truth
Using the internet and building it are two different disciplines, like eating and cooking. Both deserve respect, but only one of them is a profession.
Hall 5
Welcome to the agency
Let us say it up front: there are excellent agencies with brilliant teams. The specimens on display here are entirely made up. Any resemblance to living agencies would be an unfortunate coincidence.
Exhibit 5.1 · Spotted in the wild
“Our kick-off workshop only takes three days. Afterwards we’ll know which other workshops we need.”
The curator remarks
By the end of day three, four hundred sticky notes cover the wall. One of them says “website”. It has been earmarked for phase two.
The sober truth
Good preparation pays off. Ask up front what a workshop actually delivers and how much of the budget it takes from the project itself.
Exhibit 5.2 · Spotted in the wild
“Your contact from now on is our new junior account manager. He’s brand new, but very motivated.”
The curator remarks
At the pitch, the management and two creative directors were still at the table. Since then they have been at another pitch.
The sober truth
Before signing, clarify who will actually look after your project and whether that person remains available after launch.
Exhibit 5.3 · Spotted in the wild
“A small text change? Of course. We’ll open a ticket, the ticket gets a sub-ticket, and in six weeks the comma will have moved.”
The curator remarks
The comma was indeed moved. The accompanying breakdown is two pages long and includes an alignment meeting on punctuation.
The sober truth
Ask up front how small changes are billed and whether you can maintain content yourself.
Exhibit 5.4 · Spotted in the wild
“The website is yours, of course. The logins, hosting and source code just stay with us for technical reasons.”
The curator remarks
So you own a house whose keys hang at the developer’s office. Visits are possible by appointment, weekdays between ten and eleven.
The sober truth
Get the domain, access and usage rights confirmed in writing. Switching provider should remain possible at any time.
Exhibit 5.5 · Spotted in the wild
“We think holistically, cross-media, agile and disruptive. What exactly we deliver? It’s more of a mindset.”
The curator remarks
The proposal comprises eleven pages of attitude and half a line describing the service. The half line reads “and much more”.
The sober truth
A good proposal states clearly what will be delivered, by when and on what terms. Buzzwords are no substitute for a scope of work.
Exhibit 5.6 · Spotted in the wild
“Then there’s the monthly retainer for monitoring. What do we monitor? The retainer arriving.”
The curator remarks
Every month a report arrives saying everything is running perfectly. It is worded so reassuringly that nobody has opened it in years.
The sober truth
Ongoing contracts make sense when it is clear what is delivered each month. Ask about notice periods and concrete reports.
Hall 6
Website builders and the weekend promise
Website builders have their place, and many people are happy with them. On display here are only made-up advertising promises that shrink a little on closer inspection.
Exhibit 6.1 · Spotted in the wild
“Your own website in five minutes!”
The curator remarks
True. Then come the five weeks spent finding out why the menu floats above the logo on mobile.
The sober truth
Website builders are a good choice for simple projects. Before you start, check their limits on design, loading speed, privacy and moving away later.
Exhibit 6.2 · Spotted in the wild
“The first year costs next to nothing!”
The curator remarks
The second year has heard about this and is slightly put out. On top come add-ons for things you had assumed were included.
The sober truth
Calculate the total cost over several years, including extensions. Introductory offers are rarely the long-term price.
Exhibit 6.3 · Spotted in the wild
“Over eight hundred templates to choose from!”
The curator remarks
The template “Modern Business 4” is particularly popular. With three businesses on the same street.
The sober truth
Templates save time. If you want to stand out, you still need your own content, your own images and a clear message.
Exhibit 6.4 · Spotted in the wild
“Moving to another provider? Of course! You can copy your texts at any time. One by one.”
The curator remarks
The export format is called “copy and paste”. It has proven itself for decades and needs no interface at all.
The sober truth
Check before you start whether and how content can be exported. With some systems, moving is more work than expected.
Exhibit 6.5 · Spotted in the wild
“Search engine optimisation included! Just tick the box.”
The curator remarks
The box has been ticked. The search engine has not noticed so far.
The sober truth
Technical basics help, but visibility mainly comes from good content and ongoing work.
Hall 7
Gurus, coaches and the 8:03 a.m. phone call
There are brilliant consultants out there. This hall is dedicated to the made-up others: the ones with a rented sports car in their profile picture and a calendar full of “success calls”.
Exhibit 7.1 · Spotted in the wild
“I’ll make you the market leader in thirty days. My course costs only a fraction of your future revenue.”
The curator remarks
The course consists of forty-seven videos in which someone in front of a rented sports car explains the importance of getting up early.
The sober truth
Reputable advice does not promise miracles within fixed deadlines. Ask for references that can be verified.
Exhibit 7.2 · Spotted in the wild
“Good morning, I’m calling about your Google listing. It is in serious danger.”
The curator remarks
Mainly the breakfast break was in danger. The caller had a form, a deadline and remarkably urgent background noise.
The sober truth
Be careful with unsolicited calls that claim to be about Google. Do not let yourself be pressured and check your listing yourself.
Exhibit 7.3 · Spotted in the wild
“I’m a social media expert. I have forty thousand followers.”
The curator remarks
Most of them are active in a region where nobody knows the business or receives its deliveries. They reliably like every post anyway, every night at three.
The sober truth
Reach alone says little. What matters is whether the right people are reached and enquiries follow.
Exhibit 7.4 · Spotted in the wild
“Your website urgently needs a relaunch. I haven’t looked at it, but they all do.”
The curator remarks
An offer sprayed out like a garden sprinkler. It reliably reaches businesses that received their new website only last week.
The sober truth
A good recommendation starts with an analysis. Anyone offering a relaunch without looking at the site is mainly selling a relaunch.
Exhibit 7.5 · Spotted in the wild
“Our AI agency was founded last Tuesday. We have twenty years of experience if you count the AI’s.”
The curator remarks
The logo was generated, so was the slogan, and one person in the team photo has six fingers. The enthusiasm, however, is genuine.
The sober truth
Ask about real projects and the people behind the offer. AI can support experience, but it cannot replace it.
The little lexicon of half-knowledge
Terms as they are explained down at the pub, and what they actually mean.
- Algorithm
- According to the pubA moody gentleman at Google who hands out rankings in a bad mood every morning.According to realityA set of calculation rules. It has no moods, but a great many criteria.
- Cloud
- According to the pubA cloud where holiday photos float about until it rains.According to realityData centres with very solid floors, run by companies you entrust your data to.
- Cookie
- According to the pubA biscuit the website offers you. Out of politeness, you say yes.According to realityA small file in your browser. Many of them require your explicit consent.
- Responsive
- According to the pubThe website answers when you talk to it.According to realityThe website adapts to every screen size, from phone to large monitor.
- SEO
- According to the pubA magic spell you recite once, and then the customers arrive.According to realityOngoing work on content, technology and credibility. It works, just not overnight.
- Prompt
- According to the pubThe secret password that finally makes the AI do the right thing.According to realityAn instruction to the AI. The clearer, the better. It is still not a guarantee.
- Domain
- According to the pubThe website itself.According to realityJust the address. The house behind it still needs to be built.
- Hosting
- According to the pubWhen someone invites guests round for a barbecue.According to realityThe place where the website is stored and from which it is delivered.
- Backup
- According to the pubThe internet does that automatically.According to realityA safety copy that someone deliberately creates and regularly tests.
- Website builder
- According to the pubThe website is finished in ten minutes.According to realityThe first version, yes. The tenth hour usually comes later, and so do the limits.
- Pitch
- According to the pubA contest won by the best team, after which a different team does the work.According to realityA presentation in which providers compete for a contract. Ask who will actually do the work afterwards.
- Agile
- According to the pubPlanning nothing and calling it a method.According to realityA way of working in short, verifiable steps. Done well, it avoids detours; done badly, it only avoids planning.
- Retainer
- According to the pubMoney that quietly disappears every month so that everything stays the way it is.According to realityOngoing payment for agreed services. Sensible when it is clear what happens for it each month.
Meeting bingo to take away
For your next meeting about the website. Whoever completes a row first should not shout “Bingo”, but smile and say: “Great idea, I’ll make a note of that.”
- “Can’t we just do it with AI?”
- “It can’t be that hard.”
- “Like the competition, only better.”
- “The logo needs to be bigger.”
- “Can’t it just go viral?”
- “My nephew says …”
- “Google can’t find us.”
- “It needs to be done by yesterday.”
- “We need an app. What for? Whatever.”
- “Modern, but not too modern.”
- “Is it on the internet yet?”
- “Just one tiny change …”
- “A bit more pizzazz, please.”
- “Bolder, but subtle.”
- “But the AI said something different.”
- “Could you just quickly …”
And now, seriously
Behind every exhibit lies a real misunderstanding that costs time, money and nerves. If you would rather get your website right from the start, you will receive an honest assessment from me, free of half-knowledge and without bingo.
Curated with genuine expertise and a generous pinch of self-irony.
